


come back i still need you

by wafflehearts



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, TriggerWarning, dianetti
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:55:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23407921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wafflehearts/pseuds/wafflehearts
Summary: Rosa Diaz was tough, fierce, badass, and nothing could bring down the walls around her heart. But alas, like everyone else, Rosa had a soft spot. And that just happened to be the one and only Gina Linetti. The thing was, Rosa was in love with Gina. Gina was constantly on her mind, even when she was dating other people. Now, after several years of hopeless pining, Rosa wanted to forget, she wanted to forget all about Gina. And then she found a way to do that, even though it was only temporary: drinking.
Relationships: Gina Linetti/Milton Boyle, Rosa Diaz/Adrian Pimento, Rosa Diaz/Gina Linetti, Rosa Diaz/Iggy Linetti
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title lyrics from "hold on" by chord overstreet

Chapter 1

“Oh also, Milton and I are dating.”

Those words, those seven simple words were like a knife to Rosa’s heart, shattering it into millions of pieces. She was so hopelessly in love with Gina, and Gina didn’t even know. Rosa spent most of her nights missing Gina, wishing for Gina to be hers, wondering what it would feel like to be lying next to her, this usually ending in Rosa crying herself to sleep. People often mistook her for being cold, for being emotionless, but they were wrong. Like everybody else, Rosa did have feelings, only she knew how to contain them and keep them to herself. Who could’ve thought that one person, one single person could bring down the walls around the tough, fierce Rosa Diaz’s heart? And yet that’s what Gina Linetti did. A single laugh, a single smile, a single flip of her hair, and Rosa would be desperately pining again, no matter how hard she tried to get over the perfect and gorgeous girl, who brought both light and darkness to Rosa’s world. 

Every time Rosa thought about the auburn haired woman, her heart would wrench. She knew Gina would never love her back. After hard years of longing for Gina, Rosa now wanted those feelings to go away.

Running her hands through her hair exasperatedly, Rosa walked into her kitchen and took out her cheapest bottle of whiskey. Pouring herself a shot, she downed it in one go. Drinking always solved her problems temporarily. Because she could let go, let go of all her worries and stress. Her emotions, her problems would just fade away when she drank. She wouldn’t have to worry about anything in her life. 

And now, she wanted to forget about Gina, forget all about her sorrow, her melancholy, the void in her heart. The more she pined, the more she drank. Rosa had gotten used to all the hangovers by now. She would just come into work wearing dark sunglasses, picking up some coffee on the way. She knew she had a drinking problem. Rosa would drink almost daily, but there was nothing she could do about it. It was the only way she could escape reality, it was the only way she could forget.

It only got worse when Gina announced her pregnancy.

Rosa didn’t know her heart could break anymore, but it did. It was as if Gina had taken a hammer and smashed repeatedly at her chest with no sympathy, but at the same time she was the only one who could fix Rosa’s broken heart. Rosa only let herself cry at home, where she was alone, where no one could watch her. She’d let the tears flow freely, she’d let her true emotions show, and she would usually break a thing or two. Because Gina, the love of her life, definitely didn’t love her back. Rosa felt as if there was no more meaning to her life. She’d always gotten what she wanted when she was younger. The only thing that she couldn’t have was Gina. And Rosa wanted her more than anything, more than anything in the entire world. 

Her heart pained as she watched Gina go on with her life, dating other people, oblivious to the fact that the strong badass leather-loving woman loved her. Gina was the only person that could bring Rosa’s walls down, that could make her weak on her knees.

Rosa wiped away a few stray tears. Her feelings towards Gina were getting more and more powerful, and sometimes even drinking wasn’t strong enough to let her ignore them, forget them just for a short while. She needed something stronger.

~~

“Dear Gina,

If you’re reading this then I’ve either stopped being a coward, or you’ve somehow found this on your own, which is highly unlikely.

I have something I need to say to you. I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long, but here it is:”

Rosa groaned exasperatedly, putting her head in her hands. She’d thought putting her emotions on paper would make her feel better, but it was just giving her a splitting headache. Twirling her pen around, she took a sip of tequila, and continued writing.

~~

Iggy babbled in confusion, holding up a red crayon and staring at it curiously.

Rosa chuckled softly and patted her head affectionately. Gina had gone out for a dinner with Milton, and Rosa had volunteered to babysit Iggy. She didn’t let anyone else know, but she secretly loved the toddler. Iggy was only one year old, but some of her mother’s features had already begun to show. The auburn hair, the blue eyes, Rosa was sure Iggy would grow up to be the spitting image of Gina. Another reason Rosa loved babysitting Iggy was because that meant she could get closer to Gina, to her home, to the things Gina loved. 

Interrupting her train of thought, Iggy rubbed her eyes and yawned sleepily.

“Aw, is someone sleepy?” Rosa cooed to the toddler, picking her up and walking to her bedroom. She stopped in front of the open door to admire it. The ceiling was painted dark blue, with stars on them that would light up in the night, and the walls were a pale shade of pink, with small symbols and shapes like hearts and stars drawn on them. Gina had done a beautiful job at decorating Iggy’s room.

Iggy yawned once again, as if questioning why Rosa had stopped, and telling Rosa to hurry up and put her to bed. Rosa snapped out of her thoughts and placed Iggy on the crib, changing her diaper and changing her into her pajamas. Rosa had done this so many times she could do it in her sleep.

Turning off the lights, Rosa walked over to the crib softly, the luminous glowing brightly down at the sleepy toddler. “Goodnight Iggy, sweet dreams,” she whispered, placing a kiss on Iggy’s forehead.

Tiptoeing down the stairs to avoid waking Iggy up, Rosa wondered when Gina was getting home. Right on cue, Gina dashed in through the front door. 

“I’m back, I’m back! Rosa, I’m so sorry we ran late,” Gina apologised.

“It’s fine. It’s no big deal. I already put Iggy to bed,” Rosa said awkwardly, stuffing her hands in her pockets. She could feel the outline of the confession letter. Give it to her, you idiot, Rosa’s mind ordered her unresponsive hands. Stop being a baby and give it to her. “Um I should probably go now,” Rosa mumbled, rushing out of the front door, leaving a very bewildered Gina wondering what had just happened.

~~

Another week passed. More feelings, more drinks.

~~

The entire squad was at Shaw’s Bar, celebrating the recent drug bust. However, Rosa wasn’t in the mood for celebrating. She ordered a shot and sat alone, watching while the squad danced, having the time of lives. Rosa wished she could be as happy as them, she wished for once she could let go of everything, and just enjoy life. But the only way she could do that was if she was with Gina. Rosa stared at Gina wistfully. She was dancing with Milton, who had decided to come join the celebration. Rosa couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that ran through her.

Ordering another shot, she ignored the tears that were threatening to spill out any minute. She couldn’t afford to look weak in front of the squad, especially in front of Gina. Finally feeling the adrenaline starting to pump through her veins, she put her drink down and joined the squad.

~~

For two months, Rosa pined for Gina desperately, drinking almost daily. Then one day, everything changed. It started with her not going to work.

~~

It was a normal day in the 99th precinct. Jake had arrived 30 minutes late, out of breath, much to the amusement of his coworkers. The morning briefing was already over.

“I’m sorry Captain, I had a plumbing problem,” he huffed. 

Captain Holt sighed exasperatedly. This was the third day Peralta had shown up late. No matter how hard he tried, there was really no fixing Peralta’s bad habits. Glancing at the bullpen, he realized that Diaz was also absent. That was strange. She was always early to work, not Santiago-early, but still early. She was rarely late. In the unusual occasion that she needed a day off, she would always tell the Captain beforehand.

“Squad, do any of you know where Detective Diaz is?” he asked, concerned.

Everyone looked at each other, exchanging looks and shrugged. Rosa never told anyone where she was going, but she rarely missed work.

“I’ll call her,” Amy offered.

Holt nodded and returned to his office, the look of worry (or his normal blank look to the squad) still on his face.

~~

The next day, Rosa didn’t show up at work again. The squad was really starting to worry. Even when Rosa was sick, she would still go to work until Captain Holt made her stay home and rest. It wasn’t like her to miss work, let alone two days in a row. 

“She’s not replying to any of my calls or messages,” Amy informed them worriedly. “And I’ve sent her a lot.”

“Let’s just go to her apartment and see if she’s there,” Gina suggested, her eyes still glued to her screen.

The squad all turned to look at Gina. “You know where Rosa lives?” Jake asked incredulously.

“Yeah duh,” Gina replied, finally looking up. “Or have you forgotten I keep blackmail files on all of you?”

Amy rolled her eyes not-so-subtly.

“Santiago, was that an eye roll I saw?” Gina reprimanded, staring Amy down. “I hope you realize I can ruin your life within seconds.”

“Gina, focus! So you really know where Rosa lives?” Jake asked, still not fully believing it.

Gina nodded. 

“Great, let’s go!” Jake exclaimed.

~~

“Rosa, please open up!” Jake knocked on her door.

There was no response.

“Rosa! We just wanna know why you’re not at work!” Jake knocked again.

Still, there was no response.

Terry was starting to get really worried. “Guys, what if something bad happened to Rosa?” he asked anxiously.

“It’s Rosa. She’s probably fine. What could possibly happen to her?” Jake assured the Sarge.

He wasn’t so sure after a while. The squad had been knocking for over ten minutes, and Rosa was still not responding. Neighbours had come out of their door, curious at why there was such a huge racket outside.

“Okay, that’s it, she’s not responding, we have to break the door down,” Jake announced. “On 3?”

The squad nodded.

“1…2…3!”

Kicking down the apartment door together, the squad immediately rushed into Rosa’s apartment, only to freeze in their tracks. In the middle of the living room lay Rosa. She was unconscious, and her face was deathly pale. There were bottles of whiskey and tequila knocked over on the coffee table. It was a mess. Gina gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. Please dear god, let Rosa be okay, she begged.

Jake rushed to Rosa’s side straight away, trying to get her to wake up and checking her wrist for a pulse. Meanwhile, the squad was still in shock, wondering what had happened.

“Guys… she doesn’t have a pulse,” Jake said softly, looking up, his face whitening.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The hospital was filled with the sounds of machines beeping and doctors and nurses talking, but Gina couldn’t hear any of that. There was only one word in her mind, repeating itself over and over again. Rosa. Gina’s face was numb from all the tears. Curling up into a ball on the couch, Gina felt another wave of emotions hit her, and the next thing she knew, she was crying again. Why? Why Rosa? When did it all go wrong? Gina felt as if this was all a nightmare, as if it was all just a horrible nightmare, and she wished with all her might that someone would just come and wake her up. But she knew that would never happen, because somewhere deep down, she knew this was reality. 

“Excuse me, are you guys here for Rosa Diaz?” A doctor asked, coming out of Rosa’s room.

“Yeah, is she…” Jake stood up immediately and asked, not wanting to finish his question in fear that it was true.

The doctor nodded solemnly. “I’m really sorry. We weren’t able to save her. She passed away due to alcohol overdose.”

Those seven words hit Gina hard. Her entire world came crashing down at that exact moment. She could hear the squad reacting, but she was frozen in her place. Gina felt like she had been hit by a bus all over again, all the air sucked out of her lungs, only this time it hurt more. Rosa was the most important person in her life. She couldn’t be gone. Not Rosa. Rosa, the one person she truly cared about; Rosa, the one person who always somehow made her day better; Rosa, the one person she was madly in love with. Now every day at work, when Gina looked to her right, there would be no one sitting in that empty chair. No one to cheer her up, no one she could judge other people with. No one. Gina couldn’t believe it. Rosa Diaz was really gone. It finally hit her. When they found Rosa in her apartment, Gina thought they still had a little bit of hope. And now, she realized they were too late after all. Her breath hitched as she felt tears starting to spill out of her eyes. Gina had always hated crying in public, she thought it was embarrassing, but now she couldn’t care less. She sobbed into her hands, tears dripping between her fingers, she cried like she had never before, tears flowing down from her blue orbs, like a river escaping a dam, she cried until she was all out of tears, but the emptiness and the sorrow was still there. Because Rosa was gone. She was really gone.

~~

The squad had decided to go back to Rosa’s apartment to maybe look at, collect some of her things, just to be close to her one last time. Everyone was silent on the way back, still trying to process the news. Even Jake was quiet. Gina stared out of the car window. There was a thunderstorm outside, and it was raining hard. The weather matched exactly how Gina was feeling. Every flash of lightning, every sound of thunder hit Gina hard, as if reminding her that Rosa was gone.

Up at Rosa’s apartment, Gina wandered into Rosa’s bedroom, hoping to find something she could keep in Rosa’s memory forever. Something small, something meaningful, something that would remind her of Rosa every time Gina looked at it. Then she saw the leather jacket hanging on the coat rack. It was the perfect thing to take. Carefully taking it off the coat rack, Gina hugged the leather jacket close to her and sat on Rosa’s bed, rocking herself back and forth, taking in Rosa’s scent, just thinking back to all the memories with Rosa, all the happy times. Wiping her eyes gently, Gina reached into the jacket’s pockets— and felt an outline of a letter. Curious, she pulled it out. Surprisingly, it was addressed to her. Unfolding it, Gina started reading.

“Dear Gina,

If you’re reading this then I’ve either stopped being a coward, or you’ve somehow found this on your own, which is highly unlikely.

I have something I need to say to you. I’ve been keeping this to myself for so long, but here it is:

I’m in love with you Gina. I’ve been in love with you for god knows how long, and when you told everyone you were dating Milton and were pregnant, it broke my heart so much. That’s why I began drinking. I wanted to forget, Gina, forget all about you and my stupid feelings, but I couldn’t. They were too strong, and I just… love you too much. Every day I wake up and wish that I were with you, that you were lying in bed next to me, that I could just call you mine. You mean the world to me Gina. You’re my everything, and it hurts to know that you’ll never love me back the way I do. But this is your life, and you make your own choices. We all make our own choices. And I’m choosing to tell you this, because you deserve to know. 

I know you’re really happy with Milton and Iggy, and I’m not going to interfere with you guys. I just wanted to let you know that I love you, even though I know we’ll never be together. I promise I’ll try and move on. I promise I’ll try and get over you, and maybe one day I can be happy too, even if it’s not with you.

Rosa”

Gina gasped. She thought she’d finally found out what true heartbreak felt like in the hospital, but in that moment her heart broke even more. Rosa was in love with her. The thing was, Gina also loved her back. The only reason she ever dated Milton was to get over Rosa. Iggy was an accident, although Gina still loved her dearly. But now she realized that she actually had a chance to be with Rosa. They could have been together. Everything could have been perfect. But now it was all ruined. Just because they were both too scared to admit their feelings for one another.

Gina held the letter close to her chest, wishing that she could go back in time, and make everything right. None of this would have to happen. Her knees went weak and Gina slumped onto the cold tiles, sobbing, wishing for just another chance, wishing she could have just been brave and confessed about her feelings. If only she’d paid more attention to the hints Rosa was dropping, if only she’d manned up and confessed, they might be together by now. If only.

“I love you too Rosa,” Gina whispered, her voice cracking with emotion, tears streaming down her face as she finally understood that there was absolutely nothing she could do. “Please come back, so we can make this right. Please. Come back. I still need you.”

~~

A month later, the squad found Gina lying unconscious on her couch, a bottle of whiskey in her hand.


End file.
